A ministerial Christmas Carol. – AP Forum version.
Yes, yes; settle down – I know ‘tis early. But blame for the untimely reminder must lay at TOM’s feet. There we were quietly working away, when he whistles a snatch from a Carol; then laughed. I looked at his bench and there he was grinning – “Wuzz up” say’s I. “Just remembered a funny version of that” says he. “I shall render it”. So he did; hilarious (also ribald and unprintable). Once we’d stopped laughing, we set about ‘remodelling’ the ditty to be about our very own ‘Three Kings’ of aviation; it got to be ridiculous – but the theme struck a chord.
“We Three Kings of Orient are,” is self explanatory; we preferred “Kinks’ of peculiar orientation are, but couldn’t get the thing off the deck – and so the hours were whiled away. But the theme remained firmly stuck; had to be a way to parse the afternoon’s entertainment down to a shot at our Three Kings. (Which ain’t, by the way a winning hand). So we begin with the mildest of variations:-
“Bearing gifts we traverse afar,”
That line is very much open to interpretation. Gifts of kudos for our minister McDonaught? Or, perhaps, the lumber lifted from the last botched job, which he will have to fence to cover the pug marks of our three incompetents? The word ‘traverse’ is an interesting choice: [“2. move back and forth or sideways”].
When matched with ‘Afar’ the scene is set. There is no distance the three kings will not travel, in any direction, to avoid any sort of responsibility for the monstrous buggers muddle they have, collectively, created. Why should they? There’s a perfectly respectable minister to carry the can – when the crime is revealed.
One in a taxi,
The BRB had trouble deciding which one of the kings would travel by taxi. Close run thing, but in the end it was Halfwit they decided. The reasoning was clear; given his total lack of understanding of complex traffic patterns, round about being a particular problem, lane changing and especially road signs; creating traffic delays as he needs to stop and carefully read before proceeding. Then of course there is his trusty accountant, ride-along mate who can finesse a taxi fare into an acceptable return on any journey. Well all of that plus; they cannot afford a vehicle as the debt on the last one written off could not be met owing to the bill at the Never Tell Motel. Which is a story for another day.
One on a scooter pipping his hoooter:
Absolutely 100% agreement on this one. Had to be HVH Hood. No contest. What can one say more about the flamboyant parading of ‘safety’ in faery tale land. High Viz ‘waistcoat (cut to fit tightly’) rainbow striped crash hat and a hooter that won’t stop ‘pipping’ his own skills in ‘safety’ first. Often spotted with a pillion passenger; sometimes a diminutive, almost Gnome like figure clinging to the statistical analysis that mostly, journey’s end will be achieved. The other is a baby faced, skinny, gangly child who seems to ride like a princess; aloof, unruffled and so very superior to mortal care of safety, sits back and enjoys the Scooter ride; immune to any and all danger of landing on it’s arse in any event. Aye, the scooter hooter pipping crowd are immune from road kill statistics; after all they wrote ‘em.
and, one in a motor car.
Which brings us to item last. The one in the motor car. Well, the BRB crew only had three options; so; St Commode got the vote. The man in the Com Car. Well, why not eh? What need has this god like creature to travel by public transport – the golf bag alone (must travel equipment) is nothing more than a nuisance on a bus. Schedule is important and appearances must be maintained. What’s the point in gaining the top job when you have to walk past the scene of the crime. No; no, better to arrive crisp and clean just after morning tea; do the signing required; brief the ministers puppet master on the dosage, and be at the club to ‘T’ off in the right circle of mandarins. What could possibly be more important? No, public transport for this immaculate is out of the question. The very idea of even being touched by the unwashed; or, spoken to by the unshriven is beyond the pale. And why not eh? When you have a minister by the scrotum, are banking half a mill a year and have no responsibility which can be brought to task; why not settle back in the luxury vehicle and simply enjoy the ride.
They didn’t get very far.
Aye. Indeed, we do have “We three kings; untouchables are; etc.
There, that’s that itch scratched. All rubbish of course; our three kings are highly qualified, caring, safety oriented doyens of aviation administration and would lay down their very life to ensure that aviation is as ‘safe’ as possible. All that’s left wonder is just who, of all, is the ‘safest’. The minister must be so very happy, to have all this excellence surrounding his tenuous tenure……………
Man’s work to do today; the bag comes out of it’s cupboard (again) – the dogs still ask ‘can we not come’; knowing full well the answer. I must venture alone into a night sky; comforted by the protection of the most complex, convoluted, insane, rule set on the face of this planet. Safe in the knowledge that if I bugger it up, criminal charges await. Then I must work with an Air traffic system designed by a Halfwit. But, no matter; I know full well that should I crash and burn, HVH will be there (suitably attired, wind swept and interesting) to personally examine the reasons and wreckage: the why and the how, just to prevent it ever happening again. My family may rest easy, knowing that I and my passengers are so very well protected. Oh, I’m just so happy – I could wet myself.
O world! O life! O time!
On whose last steps I climb,
Trembling at that where I had stood before;
When will return the glory of your prime?
No more—Oh, never more!
Out of the day and night
A joy has taken flight;
Fresh spring, and summer, and winter hoar,
Move my faint heart with grief, but with delight
No more—Oh, never more! ―
P2 comment: For mine, after nearly exactly five years Anderson is still firmly on the Money…
Anderson • 4 years ago
CASA serves only the interests of CASA.
First and foremost – self-perpetuation.
Closely followed by reaching its claws into the pocket of every GA participant to extract the maximum bounty to fund said self-perpetuation.
It long ago became an unwieldy beast that shed even any sort of pretence it might actually serve the aviation community that funds it through the regular extortionate gouging, both direct and indirect.
CASA certainly does “make no apologies” – never has, never will (if past behaviour is any guide)…
Why then does it expect anyone with a brain and even the slightest modicum of historical fact into aviation in Australia to believe anything the self declared non-apologist has to say on any topic?
It has been proven time and time again to be untrustworthy on almost every level (secret collusion to influence ATSB investigations and doctor accident reports – anyone, anyone…?).
An organisation that simply lacks credibility within the real aviation community (ie, not the segment that benefits from the largesse, corporate favours and behind the scenes political shenanigans) cannot be taken at face value.
Bureaucratic regulation for all is the panacea for everything.
By now it is clear the regulatory behemoth seeks to destroy GA and everything associated with it, to not only bite the hand that feeds it but to chomp, mangle and swallow to the GA armpit and beyond.
Whatever any new purported “safety measures” might be from CASA for the community service flight sector, it will be a rocky transition to yet more rules that will do nothing to protect anyone.
The only new protection needed is for the selfless humanitarians in the community service flight sector (and GA generally) from the CASA bureaucrats.
The “safety measures” will come with some new fee or charge associated – nominal at first of course so as not to create too much resistance – and given some fashionable newspeak name to allay any unease, which will of course be simultaneously denounced as “misplaced concerns” when the CASA PR machine swings into action.
We all know by now where “nominal” fees end up down the track – the next CASA cash cow.
Remember this all well folks, for what will be sold out of both sides of the CASA mouth in the months and years ahead will be nothing but a wolf in the guise of a sheep. Harmless at first, only to reveal a savage bite when it’s far too late to fully comprehend what really occurred.
Given the behaviour of CASA over the past years, one really does need to wonder whether they are a completely delusional bunch (given the continued expectation we will blindly accept anything they broadcast), but more importantly whether there is indeed a hidden agenda to completely rout GA – to destroy it so completely that nothing remains but empty crown land, devoid of the now GA aerodromes and ripe for redevelopment – which will all be a sheer coincidence of course.
This latest little trojan horse from CASA is undoubtedly but the next distraction to interfere where none is needed and to spew forth but more needless regulation. This time it will be aimed squarely at those who provide a tremendous service and benefit to the community.
A type of actual service that CASA would not recognise if it were placed directly in front of its bloated waistline.