Once upon a time,
In a land not too far away;
Within an isolated bubble;
Are you sitting comfortably? Indulge me; for I must begin. There are several bright, happy faces sitting about my stove, two per dog and the cat a moving 'cuddle' for those it will not scratch - "Story" is the request (nay, demand) and there will be no peace until that which is 'requested' is delivered. And so we begin:-
Many, many years ago, when horse and buggy were 'the' mode of transport; a bunch of folk congregated on a lake shore - "what a great spot" they opined - "we shall build a model city on this spot." And so, using money squeezed from an unsuspecting populace, they began to build their version of 'Cloud Cuckoo Land'. Aye, t'was a wondrous place; visitors often got lost or, ran out of patience trying to find a 'public convenience' but, despite the grumbling they persisted until it became the 'go-to' place for those who understood it's mystery and could work out where to catch the train to a guaranteed entree to the society, where they prospered, through fire, drought, rain, hail, snow or fire. Of course, once things were 'up and running' and the coin was rolling in - they decided that monuments must be built; big ones - and they liked, very well, the look of the pyramids. Enter the workforce, highly skilled and very unionised. All was well until the day they went on strike.
"What - no straw?" they cried - "how can we make bricks without straw" they howled - "send for our union representative". Well boys and girls, Missus McDolittle was the union rep; patiently she listened to the argument that without straw, no bricks could be made. After a long drawn out search - no straw could be found; of course they neglected to look in the basement of the Caliph, were the reserves were held. In the end they voted on a resolution to send Missus McDolittle out into the wilderness to find their straw,
For forty days and forty nights McDolittle wandered in the desert; searching, seeking and stubbing her toes on rocks - fed up and thirsty, using her walking stick. she 'cracked the rocks asunder' and out came gallons of Ale. Having slaked a monumental thirst and being well over .05 she toddled off toward the distant Mt Non Compliance; for there was a what seemed to be a flicker of fire light up there and, it was a chilly night. Slowly and just a little unsteady she toiled up the steep slope toward the mountain's peak; and, just as the moon was rising, she reached the light to find a burning bush - WTD she muttered - (for twas bushfire season). Being public spirited, she decided to purge some of the Ale consumed - extinguish the flames and find a modicum of relief.
"What are you doing" boomed a great voice; "who are you to be piddling on my burning bush here in the wilderness of Mount non compliance? Well children; you can imagine the scene; bloomers around the knees, half toasted, confronted by a burning bush and a booming voice from within.
"Sorry; so sorry" whimpers McDolittle; "I seek the answers to our straw problem, we need it to build the monuments to the great ones, I meant no harm." "Hrrumph" said the burning bush; "I shall consider your request". And for forty days and forty nights the representative of her union sat quietly, soberly and mute before the burning bush; grateful for the blaze, as nights atop Mt Noncompliance can get chilly. At last the bush spoke.
"The straw you need is kept beneath the great palace; ask and it shall be given."
"Oh, thank you" - breathed McDolittle.
"However" - boomed the bush - "in times to come your descendants will be in need of stronger stuff than straw, for they will be called upon to help great machines which fly through the air on silvered wings; a great multitude." "They will be in need of your dynasty's protection."
The bush gave a mighty cough and spat out two stone tablets - beautifully carved. "There are my laws for their protection; ten off, preserve them for your antecedents, for they will, in times of dire strife, need them to defeat the great darkness." - "Go now, avoid the Ale which springs from rocks."
And so, Missus McDolittle picked her way down Mt Noncompliance, clutching two heavy stone tablets with strange symbols engraved thereon. Well; they found the straw, made their bricks and built; as decreed a 'pleasure dome' without further need for wanderings in the desert. Missus McDolittle dutifully passed on the stone relics to her line until the symbols on the tablets matched the language of the day's generation.
The new keeper of the stones gasped when she read the inscriptions - they all used the word "shall" - not should, not if, not and, not but, not maybe - but 'Shall". Well, there was great consternation about this - but, the Macquarie dictionary would brook no argument; nor could the legal eagles find a way to disavow those words cast in stone, those many years ago, atop Mt Noncompliance.
Thou shalt, within 40 days realign with ICAO convention and be compliant - or else.
Thou shalt,within 90 days return to regulation by reference of either the FAR or NZ CAR. Or else.
Thou shalt, forthwith remove the levy on aviation fuel. Or else.
Thou shalt within 40 days provide all those who fly for pleasure with a 'self declared' medical pathway. Or else.
Thou shalt, within 90 days remove strict liability from the new regulations, unless it is applied under the 'rule of law' in compliance with the criminal justice system. Or else.
Thou shalt; immediately and forthwith cease and desist all acts of gross embuggerance. Or else.
Aye well; the kids nodded off and have since departed the fix. My seat by the stove is comfortable, the fire warm, the evening sky agreeable, the stable quiet in the lamp light. Tiring work, this story telling, perhaps a smoke and stroll before I too succumb to the idle dreams all tall tales produce. Aye goodnight sweet prince - indeed.
Toot (yawn) toot.....
In a land not too far away;
Within an isolated bubble;
Are you sitting comfortably? Indulge me; for I must begin. There are several bright, happy faces sitting about my stove, two per dog and the cat a moving 'cuddle' for those it will not scratch - "Story" is the request (nay, demand) and there will be no peace until that which is 'requested' is delivered. And so we begin:-
Many, many years ago, when horse and buggy were 'the' mode of transport; a bunch of folk congregated on a lake shore - "what a great spot" they opined - "we shall build a model city on this spot." And so, using money squeezed from an unsuspecting populace, they began to build their version of 'Cloud Cuckoo Land'. Aye, t'was a wondrous place; visitors often got lost or, ran out of patience trying to find a 'public convenience' but, despite the grumbling they persisted until it became the 'go-to' place for those who understood it's mystery and could work out where to catch the train to a guaranteed entree to the society, where they prospered, through fire, drought, rain, hail, snow or fire. Of course, once things were 'up and running' and the coin was rolling in - they decided that monuments must be built; big ones - and they liked, very well, the look of the pyramids. Enter the workforce, highly skilled and very unionised. All was well until the day they went on strike.
"What - no straw?" they cried - "how can we make bricks without straw" they howled - "send for our union representative". Well boys and girls, Missus McDolittle was the union rep; patiently she listened to the argument that without straw, no bricks could be made. After a long drawn out search - no straw could be found; of course they neglected to look in the basement of the Caliph, were the reserves were held. In the end they voted on a resolution to send Missus McDolittle out into the wilderness to find their straw,
For forty days and forty nights McDolittle wandered in the desert; searching, seeking and stubbing her toes on rocks - fed up and thirsty, using her walking stick. she 'cracked the rocks asunder' and out came gallons of Ale. Having slaked a monumental thirst and being well over .05 she toddled off toward the distant Mt Non Compliance; for there was a what seemed to be a flicker of fire light up there and, it was a chilly night. Slowly and just a little unsteady she toiled up the steep slope toward the mountain's peak; and, just as the moon was rising, she reached the light to find a burning bush - WTD she muttered - (for twas bushfire season). Being public spirited, she decided to purge some of the Ale consumed - extinguish the flames and find a modicum of relief.
"What are you doing" boomed a great voice; "who are you to be piddling on my burning bush here in the wilderness of Mount non compliance? Well children; you can imagine the scene; bloomers around the knees, half toasted, confronted by a burning bush and a booming voice from within.
"Sorry; so sorry" whimpers McDolittle; "I seek the answers to our straw problem, we need it to build the monuments to the great ones, I meant no harm." "Hrrumph" said the burning bush; "I shall consider your request". And for forty days and forty nights the representative of her union sat quietly, soberly and mute before the burning bush; grateful for the blaze, as nights atop Mt Noncompliance can get chilly. At last the bush spoke.
"The straw you need is kept beneath the great palace; ask and it shall be given."
"Oh, thank you" - breathed McDolittle.
"However" - boomed the bush - "in times to come your descendants will be in need of stronger stuff than straw, for they will be called upon to help great machines which fly through the air on silvered wings; a great multitude." "They will be in need of your dynasty's protection."
The bush gave a mighty cough and spat out two stone tablets - beautifully carved. "There are my laws for their protection; ten off, preserve them for your antecedents, for they will, in times of dire strife, need them to defeat the great darkness." - "Go now, avoid the Ale which springs from rocks."
And so, Missus McDolittle picked her way down Mt Noncompliance, clutching two heavy stone tablets with strange symbols engraved thereon. Well; they found the straw, made their bricks and built; as decreed a 'pleasure dome' without further need for wanderings in the desert. Missus McDolittle dutifully passed on the stone relics to her line until the symbols on the tablets matched the language of the day's generation.
The new keeper of the stones gasped when she read the inscriptions - they all used the word "shall" - not should, not if, not and, not but, not maybe - but 'Shall". Well, there was great consternation about this - but, the Macquarie dictionary would brook no argument; nor could the legal eagles find a way to disavow those words cast in stone, those many years ago, atop Mt Noncompliance.
Thou shalt, within 40 days realign with ICAO convention and be compliant - or else.
Thou shalt,within 90 days return to regulation by reference of either the FAR or NZ CAR. Or else.
Thou shalt, forthwith remove the levy on aviation fuel. Or else.
Thou shalt within 40 days provide all those who fly for pleasure with a 'self declared' medical pathway. Or else.
Thou shalt, within 90 days remove strict liability from the new regulations, unless it is applied under the 'rule of law' in compliance with the criminal justice system. Or else.
Thou shalt; immediately and forthwith cease and desist all acts of gross embuggerance. Or else.
Aye well; the kids nodded off and have since departed the fix. My seat by the stove is comfortable, the fire warm, the evening sky agreeable, the stable quiet in the lamp light. Tiring work, this story telling, perhaps a smoke and stroll before I too succumb to the idle dreams all tall tales produce. Aye goodnight sweet prince - indeed.
Toot (yawn) toot.....